Behind The Page:

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An Interview with Greg Bulmash . . .

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We're here with Greg Bulmash, who produces and writes
"Greg Bulmash's Humor Page" (GBHP). As many of you already know, GBHP features include a twice-weekly humor column, The WASHED-UPdate(tm) Archives, CONG, and Interactive quizzes.

The site averages thousands of hits a week across its various features and has a large subscription to the e-mail editions of Greg's two columns.

The Comedy Zone featured GBHP in it's premiere issue and Greg was kind enough to be the first featured guest in the new "Interviews Behind the Page" section.

CZ: Greg, thanks for joining us. Do mind me calling you Greg?

GB: Ha! You've been reading my column.

CZ: Of course!

GB: As much as I complained about my name a few weeks back, I'm actually very happy with it, so yes, you can call me Greg. But if you want to call me Ivanhoe, I won't complain. I brought it upon myself.

CZ: You're involved in web-design, consulting, speaking and even had a short-lived television career. How did GBHP come about and why?

GB: Short lived TV career? I wouldn't call one appearance on a game show a career, even if I did win. But it was fun.

As for how GBHP came about... I'd graduated from college with a degree in Creative Writing and it was tough to catch a break. I'd been temping for a year and not making that much progress as a writer. I wasn't interested in screenwriting and I'm not a big fan of the short-story form, so all I really had to offer was short humorous essays and my novel(s).

At the time, the only novel I really had completed was a farce (in terms of style, not quality) and that's a hard market to crack. I thought that getting credits in that area would help.

I'd been on the net for about a year and thought that a little humor zine would be a good way to get that exposure since the market was a bit constricted. I started it in October '95 and didn't get the results I'd hoped. But a move to a more reliable server six months later, a better design, and increasing word of mouth started helping.

I haven't achieved everything I'd hoped, but the results have been encouraging and I'm hoping to sell a novel and some other projects within the next year.

CZ: From the apparent numbers, GBHP is very successful. You have quite a good sized "readership" that you might call a following. In fact, a large percentage of readers are from outside the U.S.. What do you feel has led to this success?

GB: I think the fact that the web is international has a lot to do with the variety of readers. It costs a reader in Australia who has flat-rate web access no more to access my page or receive e-mail from me than it might a reader in America. If someone has a friend in Australia or Malaysia or Hong Kong... wherever... they can forward them a column they like and I often pick up a visitor to my site or a new subscriber.

I'd attribute the large part of it to Daniel Bowen and Cathie Walker. Daniel is in Australia and publishes "Toxic Custard." We became friends early in the history of my zine and have recommended each other to our readers. Cathie Walker, who runs the "Centre for the Easily Amused" web site, is in Canada and links to my site have appeared in various places on the CEA. I think that's why more than half of my subscribers outside the U.S. come from either Canada or Australia.

CZ: Both are great sites ...Your column was daily for a few months and is now put out twice a week. With that kind of frequency, where do you get your ideas? Newspapers, day-to-day experience or what?

GB: Various places. Some of it came from my old stand-up routines, some from the news, some from day-to-day experience. Generally I'll just start writing on a theme and see where it goes. If it goes nowhere, I drop it in a file and let it ferment for a while. Sometimes it'll take a turn into a really good angle and then I'll re-write for the angle. And sometimes it just comes out in one big rush. There's no hard and fast rule as to how it gets witten or where it comes from. It's sort of like a Nike ad. I just do it.

CZ: You mentioned stand-up rountines. Did you, or are you still, performing at clubs?

GB: I performed at clubs around Los Angeles in 89 and 90. I even MC'd the open mike at the Improv for a while. But in early 90, with more job pressures that kept me working a number of evenings and a lack of movement in the career, I took a hiatus.

Late in 90 a guy who was a publicist for a small comedy contest approached me to be a ringer in one of the preliminary rounds. He was an ex-boyfriend of an ex-roommate of mine and she'd played him a tape of my act while they were still dating. He'd remembered the tape and the phone number of the apartment, so he called me.

I took the gig, made a few bucks, and won. I went to the semi-finals and the finals in early '91, beating out comics who'd been on TV, and placed second overall. It could have been a stepping stone, but I had already registered to go back to college (I'd dropped out at the end of 88) and was starting about a week later, so I decided that would be my final performance. Except for doing a gig at a coffee house in college as a favor for a friend who was the MC of their show, I haven't done stand-up since.

That's not to say I haven't performed since. In college I had a radio show, performed with an improvisational comedy group, and even made a few bucks as a substitute Karaoke MC at a bar where I was a regular. I always think doing some acting or stage performance again would be fun, but going back to stand-up is not in my plans.

CZ: Back to GBHP. It obviously takes a great deal of time to prepare and get out. Are you doing this full-time?

GB: That's where you're mistaken. In the beginning, GBHP was just a couple of pieces every couple of weeks. As I did that and got an idea of what it took, each re-design of my site built upon what I'd learned in terms of the technical side. The actual mechanics of updating the site and putting out the e-mail edition with each new column takes maybe 20-30 minutes three times a week.

The lion's share of the time spent on this is in the writing of the columns or when I actually do some re-design on the site itself. The humor columns average about 2-4 hours of work. The WASHED-UPdate(tm) columns take a bit longer because of all the research I have to do, but overall, you're looking at a grand total of about 15-20 hours a week to do all of it. That's no more than any part-time job would take.

Since I consider my web site to be my way of marketing myself--you know, creating name recognition and building an audience for future, more-commercial works--I look at it as my second job. My primary job is, of course, trying to make a living however I can, and then my second job is building a foundation for making a living at doing something I really enjoy.

CZ: So I take it you produce GBHP by yourself?

GB: Yeah, pretty much. I'm artistic, but not much of an illustrator, so most of the artwork is modified clip-art, and Pat Martin does the CGI on the interactive quizzes as well as hosting them. But the rest of the stuff, all the design, layout, HTML, Java Script... that's mine.

I'm not a programmer. My degree is in Creative Writing and I haven't actually taken a class in computers since AP Computer Science in high school in 1985 (which, by the way, enabled me to get through college without ever having to take a math class), but I've been working with them since I was 11. When I need to do something, I just get the reference materials and figure out how to do it, whether it's a neat little HTML trick or a Java Applet. It's a nice knack to have.

CZ: You've recently signed a deal with the Internet Movie Database for the WASHED-UPdate(tm). Does this mean GBHP has hit the big time?

GB: Yes and no. It's very exciting and there's been a good deal of traffic, but there's a lot to watch over the next few months. Is this initial success just due to curiosity? Will it be sustainable? Can we build upon it? You can get lots of people to check something out once. Getting them to come back every week is the hard part. Having the traffic we've had in the first week is very cool, but it doesn't guarantee we'll have that many in the fifth week or the tenth.

CZ: Fabio Schwartz's demise. You and he shared an uncanny physical resemblance. What was behind his passing and how did you take it?

GB: Well, a number of readers were getting tired of him and so was I to an extent. He was a fun idea, but he had a limited appeal. So I ran a vote to see whether he should live or die. The vote was to kill him.

People ask me if he's _really_ dead and my reply is "he's as dead as Elvis." They can take that however they like.

CZ: A recent addition to GBHP has been CONG. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but you are an ordained minister. Pardon me for asking, but is this a tax scheme, or what?

GB: If I took donations it might be, but it's just for fun. In fact, I've been a bit remiss in keeping it up. It was originally supposed to have a weekly sermon, but that's not how it's worked. I think GBHP's readers will be surprised to see what happens with it in November, though.

As for my ordained status. I was ordained online by the Universal Life Church. Anyone can get ordained by them in about 5 minutes and it's free. My first official act as a minister was to bless my dog. But it does sound better when I'm running a cyber-church to be an ordained minister.

CZ: Where do you see GBHP heading in the future? Do you think it will branch out into other forms of media?

GB: I honestly don't know. GBHP is sort of an entity unto itself. I'd like to build the traffic a bit bigger, of course. If it builds enough, I could see a gbhp.com in it's future, maybe some GBHP merchandise like a t-shirt or a coffee mug, maybe a calendar. But beyond that, I really can't say.

What I'd really like to see is _myself_ branching out into other forms of media, doing projects in print, radio, maybe television. Whether or not I'd translate any of the GBHP features into those other forms is questionable.

CZ: One last question ... on a personal note - Has the fame and "fortune", changed "Greg Bulmash?"

GB: Well, there's no fortune... yet. And I'm trying not to let the "fame" change me. The fans are the ones who read the columns, who committ their time and sometimes their money to be able to access the entertainment I try to provide. Without them, I'm just a "real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody." So I try to be accessible, answer every letter personally. Until the load of e-mail just gets overwhelming or some nut comes out of the woodwork to cause security concerns, I don't see that changing.

The "fame and fortune" really haven't bled over into the real world--you know, I haven't received any big checks or been asked for an autograph by a complete stranger--and thus I don't really feel famous. It feels like I just have a large and well-dispersed bunch of friends. On the other hand, I don't have the time to start up correspondences with everyone. If suddenly a hundred people wanted to be my buddy and send letters back and forth, it would be too much. There is a bit of a balance to be maintained.

Since I'm just a fledgling celeb with a small fan-base at the moment, it's not that tough to deal with. But overall my philosophy is simple. "Take it one day at a time and try to keep my priorities straight." That should serve me well no matter how far this goes.

CZ: Before we go, any "plugs" you want to add?

GB: Well, you've covered just about everything. I always plug GBHP whenever the chance arises, and if any of your readers are thinking about putting up a web site and need a designer, I'm very good, pretty dang experienced, and my rates are very reasonable. And that's about it.

A big thanks to Greg Bulmash for joining us and providing some insight about himself and "Greg Bulmash's Humor Page" (GBHP).